Jermain Defoe celebrates a Sunderland winner against Newcastle
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Casting Call: Premier League relegation fighters as The Avengers

| 23.04.2015

As cinemagoers celebrate the arrival of much-hyped “Avengers: Age of Ultron”, all can think about are the poor Premier League point scavengers trying to shield relegation-threatened clubs from notorious super-villain “The Championship”.

Charlie Austin, Danny Ings, Jermain Defoe, Christian Benteke, Mohamed Diame and Esteban Cambiasso are the heroes in question, but what parts are perfect for them in a Premier-League-meets-Avengers ensemble?

Premier League relegation battle protagonists as The Avengers

Jermain Defoe as Iron Man

Iron Man is the most self-assured and – spot the euphemism – outgoing of the gang, something that Defoe can relate to given his army of reality TV exes. What is the striker’s indestructible armour? The relegation-proof mega bucks three-and-a-half-year contract that he signed in January of course.

Mohamed Diame as Captain America

Captain America’s deal is that he was frozen at the end of World War II, before awakening decades later to be an absolute boss all over again. It’s pretty much identical to how Diame’s season was put on injury-inflicted ice in early December, only for him to return for the run-in to possibly save the day.

Yes, there’s one rather massive flaw: what does Diame have to do with USA? Well, we’ve heard a rumour that Assam Allam’s next divisive move will be relocating Hull to the MLS in the event of relegation.

Christian Benteke as Hulk

This one is simple. The striker is a man transformed when in a certain mood, as his recent Tim Sherwood-coaxed “green” streak of nine goals in seven Aston Villa appearances compared to three in 21 previous demonstrated. Ryan Mason definitely didn’t like him when he was angry.

Charlie Austin as Thor

The QPR forward shares Thor’s ability of flight, explaining his ability to soar from Kintbury Rangers to the Premier League. Having scored 17 goals this season, Austin’s hammer is obviously his right foot. Now if only his weather-influencing powers could stretch to lifting that fog around Loftus Road…

Esteban Cambiasso as Black Widow

It hasn’t yet been referenced at the flicks, but Black Widow’s body is resistant to aging in the comics, much like one 34-year-old Leicester midfielder. Admittedly, her defection from Russia to USA wasn’t nearly as courageous as Cambiasso trading shining silverware in the sun for battling relegation in the Midlands.

Danny Ings as Hawkeye

Hawkeye isn’t truly a superhero, but does a fairly convincing impression of one. Ings’ first Premier League campaign has followed a similar narrative, enabling him to allegedly attract Manchester United and Liverpool’s attention. Nine goals prove that he has the sniping skills to rival his character.


Which of these larger-than-life figures will successfully rescue their team? Aston Villa are 1/14 to stay up, with Leicester 4/11, Hull 17/20, Sunderland 9/10, Burnley 12/5 and QPR 15/4.

All Odds and Markets are correct as of the date of publishing.

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Christian Crowther

Give Christian a sport with anything remotely spherical in it and he’ll happily while away the hours watching it on the box. However, he’d much prefer writing about, playing or betting on golf, football, cricket, tennis, snooker.... you get the picture.