In newspapers and all over the World Wide Web there will be countless previews of this weekend’s Merseyside Derby between Everton and Liverpool.
So, rather than bore you to death and focus on how this is their 225th meeting and whether Brendan Rodgers needs to win the game to keep his job (blah blah) we’ve come up with an alternative preview to this Super Sunday clash.
Instead, using an untried and untested method we’ve examined the key battles between the two sides.
These include who’s got the best club song, how their celebrity fans stack up and who’d win in a fight – Tony Bellew or David Price?
Let’s get it on.
Best club song: Z-Cars (Everton) v You’ll Never Walk Alone (Liverpool)
There can only be one winner here but we’ll indulge you anyway.
The theme tune to cop caper Z-Cars has been ringing around Goodison Park since the early 1960s and is now synonymous with the blue half of Merseyside.
But don’t try telling us that it has the same spine-tingling effect as the Liverpool anthem.
Verdict: Are you serious? It’s You’ll Never Walk Alone, a truly iconic tune. Liverpool wins.
Best celebrity fans: Justin Bieber (Everton) v Dr Dre (Liverpool)
Crikey, where do we even begin? Everton can count the likes of Paul McCartney, the late John Lennon, rapper Nas, Justin Bieber (really?) and Sylvester Stallone amongst their famous supporters.
Meanwhile, the Reds boast Hollywood superstar Brad Pitt, James Bond aka Daniel Craig, basketball player LeBron James and Dr Dre to name but a few.
Pretty close then.
Bieber’s not doing Everton any favours though I’m afraid.
Verdict: Dre’s loved the Reds for over 25 years. Liverpool wins.
Best tattoo: Tim Howard (Everton) v Ings, Firminio and co. (Liverpool)
— Bambola Simona (@BambolaSimona) July 19, 2015
What a shame for Liverpool fans that ink-crazy Daniel Agger has moved on.
They’d have been a shoo-in with the great Dane’s artwork.
But instead it’s fellow budding artist Tim Howard who now rules the roost on Merseyside.
From portraits of his children to the Superman logo, Howard’s tats beat anything that Liverpool can muster.
Verdict: Just look at the image above. Top work, Tim. Everton wins
Best mascot: Changy the Elephant (Everton) v Mighty Red (Liverpool)
Ignoring the fact that ‘Changy’ has been forced to adopt a cringeworthy corporate name thanks to Everton’s kit sponsor, he’s actually not the worst mascot you’ll ever see. We’re looking at you, Kingsley.
And compared to the pretty asinine ‘Mighty Red’ the chubby funster has to get the nod.
Even if he’s inadvertently peddling beer to youngsters.
Verdict: You’re just too cute, Changy. Everton wins.
Best fighter: Tony Bellew (Everton) v David Price (Liverpool)
These two British pugilists are well known for their football allegiances but who’d come out on top in a dust-up?
Former light-heavyweight world title challenger Bellew has won 16 of his 28 fights by knockout, suffering just two losses with one draw.
Meanwhile, Price has three defeats on his record from 22 bouts, most recently to German Erkan Teper when challenging for the vacant European heavyweight title.
Verdict: Tony Bellew is a truly terrifying man and a fighter who puts David Price in the shade. Everton wins.
Final verdict: Raise a glass to the Bluenoses. Everton wins 3-2.
You’d take that this Sunday!
All Odds and Markets are correct as of the date of publishing.
Fancy a flutter? Sign up today to claim up to £50 in free bets.