Hipster Tipster: For one weekend only we are all Zlatan!

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It’s two weeks since we saw some Serie A, Bundesliga or La Liga action and, as someone who watched the Euro 2016 qualifying double-header-snoozefest of Kazakhstan vs Latvia and Andorra vs Wales, it has felt like the kind of eternity previously reserved for an everlasting stint in hell.

Bereft of quality football, I have found myself pouring over highlights from the Danish Superliga, Croatian Cup and … worst of all … the MLS – a division where Daniel Dichio is mentioned in the same breath as Ronaldinho.

Back on familiar turf again this week, I’ve plumped for a few choice cuts from Germany, Italy, France and Holland featuring football geniuses like Mats Hummels, Francesco Totti and Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

Fresh from physically abusing David Alaba whilst on international duty for Sweden, and scaring the living **** out of another Austria player, Zlatan can do no wrong in mine or UEFA’s book, so let’s channel the spirit of the Scandinavian superhero for this one.

Dortmund (-2) to beat Freiburg @ 3/2

I hosted a minute’s applause in my local coffee shop in Shoreditch this week after learning that Marco Reus had been ruled out of Dortmund’s Champions League clash with Arsenal through injury.

They should have enough to win by three clear goals here though – Freiburg have lost 5-0, 5-1, 4-0 and 3-0 on their last four visits to the Westfalenstadion. Rest easy Marco, Klopp’s got it covered.

Roma (-1) to beat Empoli @ 29/20

Rudi Garcia continues to act as Serie A’s answer to David Blaine, weaving magic out of the ordinary – in this case getting Gervinho to score yet again in a 2-0 win over Fiorentina.

The Roma boss should be backed to cast another spell over new boys Empoli, who lost 2-0 last time out to Udinese with goals from the virtually geriatric Antonio Di Natale. Arrivederci to the hosts!

PSG (-1) to beat Rennes @ 13/10

Ah Zlatan how you’ve enjoyed yourself on your recent trips to the Stade de la Route de Lorient, scoring in 2-0 and 3-1 wins at the ground in Ligue 1 over the last couples of seasons.

There may be some out there who question your credentials compared to Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi but to them I say pah! You obviously didn’t see the hat-trick he scored when PSG trounced St Etienne last time out! I did and I believe in you sir!

Ajax (-2) to beat Heracles @ 31/20

Recent losses to PSV and Groningen suggest Ajax may have been indulging in a bit too much of the night time extra-curricular activity Amsterdam is famous for, but I am keeping faith with them.

Heracles have lost all four of their Eredivisie games so far this season, shipping 10 goals in the process. Ajax have won each of their last five home meetings against this team by a margin of three goals or more too.

All Odds and Markets are correct as of the date of publishing.

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Hipster Tipster

Educated in the three Rs – Romario, Ronaldo and Roberto Baggio – from an early age our resident Europhile football fan loves nothing more than sitting back in an IKEA POANG recliner with a selection of Serie A, Bundesliga, Eredivisie and Ligue 1 football at his disposal. All thoughts are his own, though some can also be attributed to the great 21st century mind that is Zlatan Ibrahimovic. He would struggle to write good copy on a rainy Tuesday night in Stoke.