This week’s Europhile offering demands your attention this Saturday afternoon so switch off Jeff Stelling and his posse of retired pros from the lower depths of English football hell.
Instead, settle your eyes on the sharp-suited selection of names set to preside over some big wins across mainland Europe.
I refer, of course, to the Reservoir Dogs-style ensemble of Pep Guardiola (Mr Pink), Carlo Ancelotti (Mr White), Andre Villa Boas (Mr Orange), Laurent Blanc (Mr Brown) and Frank De Boer (Mr Blonde).
Sure to deliver the kind of cash returns usually reserved for the kind of bank robberies, settle into the IKEA Poang, get those illegal streams set up on your laptop and let’s go to work!
Normal service was resumed in the Bundesliga this week with Bayern putting four past surprise league leaders Paderborn to move back to the top.
Now that nasty episode of leiderhosen-wearing is behind him I predict Pep Guardiola to mastermind a thrashing against a newly-promoted Cologne team that lost to Hannover 96 last time out.
I fully expected Cristiano Ronaldo to live up the hype and deliver a hat-trick of hat-tricks against Villarreal before going on to complete a hat-trick of hat-trick hat-tricks in a few weeks.
In the meantime a Real team fresh from two 5-1 wins and an 8-2 away success to see off Villarreal team that has won just one of their last four competitive games.
The Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon of the Russian Premier League AVB looks sure to orchestrate another big win against Spartak with Zenit already some six points clear at the top of the standings.
Terek Grozny held Spartak to a draw at home last time out in the division and with Zenit fresh from a 5-0 win at Rostov should be ready to put more past a Moscow team 4-2 at home last time they met.
The Parisiens have struggled to cope with the absence of Zlatan Ibrahimovic of late, with Laurent Blanc forced to slum it with the likes of Edinson Cavani and Lucas Moura up front.
A Zlatan-less PSG still look a good price to win by two clear goals against a Toulouse that has already lost to Reims and Bastia this term. PSG have also won each of the previous seven meetings between the two teams by that exact margin. Who needs Zlatan? I do, that’s who. The rest are dull.
Having beaten Jos Watergraafsmeer 9-0 in the KNVB Cup, Ajax are expected to deliver more goals against a Breda team that shipped six against PSV Eindhoven earlier in the season.
Good old angry man Frank De Boer presided over a 4-0 win against NAC at the Amsterdam Arena last term and they should be too much for their Eredivisie opponents. I bet you are glad you didn’t get the Tottenham job now Frank!
All Odds and Markets are correct as of the date of publishing.
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